San Francisco –Where the homeless never sleep, so neither did we

Our four days in San Francisco were filled with interesting moments.  Vince was the lead driver for the advance trailer load in for Lion King. Advance trailer load ins typically involve two to four trailers, but a big show like this meant 14 trailers, one more than the usual 13 because they needed new or additional chain motors.

The week was anything but typical in the city that is known for its homeless population.  I have to admit I wasn’t sure what to expect, although since a few years back San Fran was where I witnessed my first individual smoking crack between two cars right next to our truck I should have known to expect that anything could happen.  

When we arrived on Monday night it was in a pouring rainstorm.  Vince and Bruce, the lead driver for Lion King show to show moves walked the perimeter to see if a wooden dock had been built for the load in, then they returned to the trucks.  All night despite the pouring rain we heard shopping carts being pushed by the truck and then there would be yelling, shopping carts then more yelling, all night long.

In the morning, I quickly learned that the area around the Orpheum Theatre is a big hang out for the homeless population.  Having worked at Faith Mission, a homeless shelter in Columbus, I am not bothered or afraid of the homeless, but must admit the number of mental health homeless in San Francisco was surprising to me.  But I believe there were just as many non-mental health homeless. Honestly, it was just the pure number of them in the city that was so shocking.

Now where in most cities we will get knocks on the door at all hours of the day and night asking for money.  We never once were bothered the whole week by anyone.  However, we also never got a good night sleep due to the constant street traffic throughout the night and yes I know we were in there space so I shouldn’t complain, but it is a sad situation and unlike them Vince didn't have the opportunity to take a nap during the day.  It wasn't until we got to Ripon, CA on Friday night that I realized how noisy the city had been.  When I stepped back into the sleeper that evening I was taken back by the silence.

On the it’s a small world after all front, on the first day of load in, Vince returned to the truck to inform me that Smitty, one of the crew members for Lion King that moves the show in and out of the cities, is a neighbor of ours back home in Ohio.  When I joined the group later that day, I learned that besides being neighbors our families had attended rivaling Catholic high schools. It really is a small world, like Smitty said it is amazing the can you travel 2000+ miles and end up meeting a neighbor.

Without a doubt the scariest moment for me of the whole week occurred Wednesday night when we were returning from the drop yard with our trailer for the next day. We were on Larkin one street over from Hyde where always parked for the night.  As we were approaching the light to make our right turn, out of know were in the corner of my eye I saw a skinny, shirtless, bearded man (picture a tall skinny Charles Manson) running full tilt at the side of the truck.  I yelled out to Vince who immediately acknowledged that he saw him.  We braced for the sound of him hitting the sleeper area or trailer, but fortunately the sound never came.  The adrenaline rush I experienced was incredible; I thought for sure this guy was going to be seriously injured from that stunt.

It wasn’t until the next morning when we saw the guy in the square that we figured out he must of stop short of the trailer and did a kung fu move.  He was up and down the square the rest of the day challenging people and doing his moves, all the way up until he got arrested around 4:00 pm. But never fear he was back out by dark because Vince heard him all night.

The load in took four days. As the following pictures show, some of the biggest pieces are the elephant grave yard.  Those pieces are so heavy they can’t be pushed of the truck on a ramp. So they are removed from the trailer onto a roll back truck then rolled down off the roll back onto the street then into the theatre.   

 

 

My First DOT Truck Inspection

Wyoming Sunset

After DC we headed to Dallas to return the Dallas Opera to its home in a warehouse located next to the state fairgrounds. We did not know the state fair was going on until we arrived there on Thursday evening just as the fair was closing for the evening.  Luckily the traffic wasn’t too bad and we were able to get safely parked on the service road beside the warehouse.  I was surprised to learn that the state fair goes on for over three weeks, but after all everything is bigger in Texas, right?

Beautiful Day in Utah after 2 Days of Rain

Our next stop was Wichita to pick up a Lion King advance trailer.  An advance trailer has items on it that go into the theatre; usually hangings of some type, before the rest of the show trailers arrive.  This trailer needed to go to San Francisco.  Our route for getting there was I-80 west which meant traveling through Wyoming, Utah and Northern California.  I was worried that the fact that I forgot my winter coat this trip was finally going to catch up with me, but was lucky that we only encountered rain and cold temperatures at the begining, then sunshine for the duration of the trip.

 

As we entered California we came upon a weigh station. As we approached it the Prepass monitor that we have in the truck that stores information about the truck and Vince displayed a red light rather than green. Green allows us to bypass the weigh station.  After we got in line, Vince noticed that the line for the weigh station had grown so long that trucks were lined up on the berm well up and down a hill.  Apparently no one was getting the bypass signal that afternoon.

While we waited in line I really didn’t have any concerns about not being bypassed.  It happens off and on and is usually no big deal.  But on this day as we passed the speaker for the non-scale section of the weigh station, a gentleman stated “Clark Transfer proceed to door three”.  That statement told me this was going to be no usual day in the weigh station. We were about to be inspected. 

Since I have never been in the truck when Vince has been inspected I did not know what to expect.  As we rounded the curve to enter the garage door I leaned down to put on my shoes since I expected I would have to get out of the truck.  While leaning down I put my hand on my seat belt clip and Vince in a very serious tone said “do not take off your seat belt”.  I explained I was leaning down to get my shoes but even though I knew this was serious, after hearing his tone I really understood the seriousness of the inspection.  Results of an inspection can be a pass where you go happily on your way with a sticker on the windshield, or fine(s) if there are log book violations, paperwork out of whack, maintenance issues such as something like a burned out tail light to something more serious like brakes etc, or a driver can be put out of service which means he or she has to pull over in the weigh station and sit there until things are fixed or their hours are back in place.

As we pulled in Vince asked me to pull the book that has the permits, his medical card and the forms that allow me to be in the truck, etc, out of the side pocket in my door.  He then grabbed his wallet and log book.  I sat in the truck trying to read my book and act like everything was ok, but I was so nervous that nothing I read stuck.  I could hear the inspector asking Vince questions and everything seemed to be going ok.  The inspector then handed Vince back the books and said he would be keeping his license until the end of the inspection.  So I knew we weren’t done yet and that this was going to be a bigger inspection than just paperwork.  The inspector instructed Vince to turn on his turn signals and press on the brakes. 

Next he stated he would be crawling under the cab and would be giving Vince instructions as he worked his way back from the cab to the end of the trailer. Once he got back to the trailer he got up and headed to his computer by the cab of our truck.  He then gave Vince his license.  Vince looked over at me and stated we were getting a sticker. I think it was only when he stated that, that I finally started breathing normally again.  Joe the inspector then removed our old sticker from when Vince passed the last time and replaced it with the new one.  He then put the door up to the garage and told Vince he could pull up and get his paper work from the office. 

After Vince returned with the paperwork I asked him if he was nervous. He shared that he always gets nervous even though he knows that nothing should be wrong.  But he stated you just never know for sure.  So I made it through my first DOT inspection and honestly it would be okay if it would be years before I have to experience another one.

San Francisco

After dropping the trailer in San Francisco we headed over to Ripon, CA for the week.  We are due back in San Fran next Tuesday to put an advance trailer of Lion King into the theatre.  Fortunately the truck stops in Ripon are in walking distance of several restaurants, a grocery store, an almond orchard and a beautiful neighborhood.  So we get our walking exercise in beautiful scenery while having a variety of places to eat food that fuel our need to walk.



Almond Orchard, Ripon, CA -  Amazingly straight tree lines throughout the orchard
 

Hanging Out at the John F Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts in DC

 

The last time we were at the Kennedy Center in DC it was after a long haul across the country. I was tired and we were here only a few hours early in the morning. Today we were fortunate enough to get to spend the day there. For some reason I assumed the building would not be open to the public, but was so wrong. So if you get to DC and have some extra time I strongly recommend seeing it. It was too dark on the inside to get any good shots but rather than bore you with descriptions of everything, I thought I would let the pictures of the outside area speak for me. 

 

 

The Watergate Hotel is right next door to the Kennedy Center 

THe following quotes from JFK can be found on the back side of the building

In the picture at the top of the post you will notice there is a hint of green at the top of the building.  That is a terrace that surrounds the building.  I was pleasantly surprised to find out that it is open to the public.  The following are pictures from the roof top terrace.

A view of the Potomac River

The Watergate

A view of the Capital Building

The Washington Monument

The Lincoln Memorial



The Pentagon

A view of the terrace to give an idea of its size

 

 

Sunday Nights are Busy Nights for Clark Transfer Drivers

Sunday nights all around this country and at times in Canada are very busy nights for Clark Transfer drivers.  Why? You may ask, because that is the night most Broadway shows close in a city.  Shows typically move weekly, biweekly or monthly, then openings typically occur on Tuesday nights. 

On Sunday nights you will find Clark drivers parked in drop lots and around the blocks of many cities.  Once the driver arrives at the theatre the waiting begins.  A load out can take as little as three hours for a three to four trailer show, to as long as eight hours for a nine to ten trailer show. 

 

Drivers wait around to be backed into the dock, then once in the dock wait for the trailer to be loaded.  The next time you are on a highway take a good look at the size of a 53 foot trailer, and then imagine the time it could take to fill it.  Once loaded, most the time, it’s not bed time for the driver, but time to hit the road to the next city.  Drivers are great at dealing with the waiting then hitting the road and a novice like me usually does pretty good, but this past week reminded me how out of practice I am when it comes to long load outs.

Last night we were in Atlanta for the load out of War Horse which was closing its run at the Fox Theatre. We arrived at the theatre as scheduled at 11:30 pm.  Now for those of you new to the blog and as a reminder to those regular followers, a night load out means sleeping during the day/evening in preparation for the load out.  Well, after having lunch with our niece and nephew, Katie and Patrick who live in Atlanta, I was too jazzed to nap because I love seeing family, so sleeping didn’t happen for me.

When we arrived at the theatre it was pouring rain which also meant there was no way I was getting out. I really do love seeing the other drivers and catching up with them, but getting soaked while standing in the rain was just not for me that night.  To pass the time I listened to the end of the NFL game on Sirius and watched shows on the CBS website. 

In the meantime, Vince and the other drivers were out in the rain, dodging traffic while moving nine trailers in and out of the docks.  I still don’t understand why there is so much traffic out on Sunday nights in downtowns all over the country.  What are all these people doing out on a Sunday night, and where are they going? These drivers can also be impatient, honking and edging toward the trucks and the drivers.  I just want to knock on their windows and tell them to knock it off because these people are doing their jobs what are you doing out here? I think I can honestly say until I started traveling with Vince I was never out past 10:00 pm on a Sunday night. 

 

As the hours passed I continued to fight sleep until 4:00 am which was when we got backed into the dock.  At that point I found myself no longer caring how NCIS LA was going to end, but I did hang in to see the end and knew it was time to give in to my tiredness and put the bed down.  However, Vince, Curtis and Jeff, the three drivers waiting for their trucks to be loaded, didn’t have that option.  They remained awake and once loaded started out for Durham, NC.

 

So once again I failed to make the cut as a semi driver, which is why you are all safe that it will never happen. But also the reason I share this story is to ask everyone to remember that while we all think our jobs are tough not many of us have to stay up all night and or have our sleeping patterns thrown off on a regular basis.  Semi drivers do and statistically manage to have fewer accidents percentage wise than auto drivers every year. So please give them a break when you are sharing the road.  Finally, I hope the next time you leave a show or go to bed on a Sunday night, you will think of the Clark Transfer drivers who will be staying up all night to make sure shows get to the next city safely and on time. 

It Amazes Me How My Truck Driver Husband Just Always Knows Which Way To Go!

Our truck @ Aria

So I’m finally back out with Vince and find myself once again amazed how he always knows what highway to take, what exit is a left and which is a right and what restaurants are around truck stops, etc.  I have never considered myself bad at directions, but must admit that if you dropped me in the middle of Phoenix or Harrisburg, PA I wouldn’t be able to find my way home.  I actually find it funny that Vince still gets turned around or needs help with directions at home, but is able to find his way around several other major cities.  Alas, he has been driving around those cities for 25 years, and in his defense when he is home I try to do most the driving. 

An example of my getting turned around happened just this morning while we were leaving Las Vegas.  I thought we would get on I-15 going one way. Silly me it was the other way.  Then I totally forgot we had to get on the 515.  It is a really good thing I don’t drive the truck.

This trip started last Thursday with us going to Indiana to pick up one of eight new trailers Clark had purchased. We then delivered it to the home office in Harrisburg.  Friday was Vince’s birthday and after chocolate cake for breakfast he spent it driving to Harrisburg. But that is the life of a truck driver, away for holidays and birthdays.  However, at least this year I was with him and we did get to Harrisburg in time to have a nice dinner at the restaurant located across from the office, after dinner it was off to NJ to pick up a trailer and head to Vegas.

Our trip across country consisted of us eating breakfast, driving, eating lunch, driving, eating dinner, driving, going to bed and then getting up and doing it all over again for four days. We averaged a little over 600 miles a day but once again that is the life of a truck driver. Of course the reason we got a later start on Thursday, thus cutting into our time to get to Vegas was because I had to get my hair colored and cut that morning, but a girl has to do what she has to do to look good.  Right?

Load in @ Aria

Delivery in Vegas was the show Zarkana which opens at Aria on November 1^st.  It is a Cirque show and takes several weeks to put into a theatre.  My understanding is there will be at least 60 trailers headed from the east coast to Las Vegas to load in this show.

Just a handful of the many trailers
for Zarkana

Today we are headed to Atlanta for a weekend load out of War Horse that is headed next to Durham.  Happy to be back out on the road and to report that only my first night did not go well. I bailed out of my seat and headed to bed early because I couldn’t make it to the end. Since then I have been in my seat for every mile. 

A view of Lake Mead

 

So I Learn to not Complain About a Particular Stretch of Highway!

Our trip started with a load out in Columbus, OH that sent us to Buffalo. After we shuffled off to Buffalo we made a quick trip into NYC then it was onto Massachusetts.  In Massachusetts we headed first to Canton, MA to a shop to pick up the items needed for Antiques Roadshow.  After getting loaded the shop was kind enough to let us stay on their parking lot for the night as there were no truck stops to wait at before heading into Boston for a very early morning load in. 

Us at the site of the Boston Tea Party
Not sure how we ended up in matching shirts

The next morning it was off to the Boston Convention Center.  After load in we were sent to a parking lot near the center to hang out until the load out the next evening.  We did some touring of the city on Friday, but Saturday morning we headed out early, only expecting to be out a few hours.  Well as anyone who has ever been to Boston knows there is a lot to see.  The Old North Church, Boston Commons, the Statehouse and the wharf (loved the wharf) we hit them all. By the time we got back to the truck we had been gone 6 hours.

After Boston we did a run from Philly to Washington DC for Beauty and the Beast.  As we sat onPennsylvania Ave just a few blocks from the White House that Monday evening we saw three motorcades go by.  I always find it interesting to see all motion on the streets stop as the motorcades pass.

Next it was off to Georgia to grab a Jersey Boys advance trailer headed for Denver.  On our way through Kansas on I-70 I commented to Vince how much better I liked this drive through Missouri and Kansas then going I-80 through Nebraska.  This was my first time on I-70 west past the St. Louis area. I then proceeded to take a few minutes to complain about how boring I find the drive on 80 in Nebraska.  Our next dispatch was St Paul to Harrisburg, PA. So the next evening at dinner I asked Vince as I usually do what route we would be taking to get to St. Paul.  He then rattled off, mind you without looking at me, “I-76 N to I-80 E through Nebraska to….” Well as you might imagine I stopped listening as soon as he said I-80 E through Nebraska.  I asked him if he was kidding and he said no he had spent the last day wondering how he was going to break it to me that we indeed had to go across Nebraska. We had a good laugh about it and my hope was that since we were not going through Nebraska as we usually do after being on the road a few days either coming from the west out of California or East out of New York that this trip would not bother me.  Which I am happy to report it did not.

Ended up almost dead stopped in rush hour traffic
so I just had to snap this pic

As soon as we left St Paul with our Fela trailer on Tuesday it was a dash across the country to get back to Harrisburg by Thursday to pick up the Antiques Roadshow trailer and head to Myrtle Beach for a Friday morning load in.  Well I stayed up with Vince for the long drive into Myrtle Beach but didn’t answer the 6:00 am alarm for load in.  When Vince looked back into the sleeper area after load in at about 8:15 am I just grinned and waved at him, imagine Max when the Grinch caught him riding on the back of the sled, because I was not up yet.

On Friday afternoon we spent a couple hours walking along the beach.  We so enjoyed watching parents of toddlers trying to get the little ones to go into the water.  We especially loved how the little ones would run away as the water approached them.  That evening we had a nice dinner at Kansas City Steakhouse which was near by.  Yesterday was a hot one, so we only ventured far enough grab lunch at a pizza joint before load out last evening.  We are having a great time. This trip has definitely been a great both weather and adventure wise.  

Neat Mural on the Myrtle Beach Convention Center

Caregivers Please Take Care of You!

During my years of raising a child, I was the type of Mom that while I was on a plane, and upon hearing the bit about putting your mask on before assisting others, always knew I would put a mask on my dear daughter Elizabeth before I took care of myself.  That’s any good mother’s first instinct, to take care of your child first.  I did that as a mother and have done that over the last several years as it has applied to caring for my mother. But I am here today to share with any and all caregivers that, that approach is not always what is best.

As you know if you follow this blog at all, we have been through a great deal with Mom over the last year and it was about a year ago that I started not feeling myself.  I chalked it up to the stress of caring for Mom.  The stress and responsibilities were so much that I even skipped going to the all of my dentist and doctor appointments during the year.  Why? You may ask, because after sitting in multiple doctor and dentist appointments with Mom every month and even multiple appointments some months, the last thing I wanted to do was sit in another waiting room. 

By September, I experienced a medical episode that made me believe things may be more serious than just the stress.  But I hadn’t been out with Vince in months and it was time to go, so out on the road I went.  I thought getting away might ease my stress thus I would start feeling better.  Unfortunately, I found everything I did out on the road to be harder.  I was tired and had weakness that I had previously never experienced.  I shared my episode with Nancy, who is also a nurse and she made me promise to get checked out when I got home. I promised her I would and meant it at the time.

However, once again if you follow this blog, you know that the week I returned home resulted in all hell breaking loose with the occurrence of “the event”.  I found myself everyday over the following two months at the hospital, then the sub-acute care and assisted living sections of Mom’s new place tending to her needs and trying to help her adjust.

By the first of the year I had convinced myself that the stress would now lessen and that everything that was wrong with me would go away.  So again I headed out for a few weeks with Vince.  Keep in mind, Vince is out on the road an average of 290 days a year.  So going out at times is really the only way I get to see him.  But this time things were even worse. I wasn’t able to stay awake during the night driving and the weakness was worse. 

When I returned home it was time to run several of Mom’s appointments and plan her 90^th birthday party.  Throughout the month Mom would ask me to tell everyone to not come and as I referred to it, act up about being in the facility and anything else she could think of.  But thankfully all the appointments went well and the party was a huge success. Unfortunately I did not enjoy most of the celebratory weekend as the stress of worrying that Mom may act up had taken its toll.

But April came and I was once again convinced things would calm down and I would start feeling better.  Oh how we kid ourselves and let denial run the show when we don’t want to deal with something, because I didn’t get better I actually declined.  By the first of May I finally realized I needed help and after a conversation with my sister, Linda, during one of her weekend visits I knew I had no choice but to go to the doctor. 

Fortunately I picked a great new doctor who quickly assessed the problem and ran the necessary tests.  I started on medication immediately and within weeks felt better.  My trip this time with Vince has been like the trips were when I first started out on the road.  I’m not tired, my strength is back and nothing is a struggle.

I have been told by several people that I am their inspiration and reminder that they are not alone in the journey of caring for an elderly parent.  To those of you in my situation, I ask that you not put off taking care of yourself.  I know it’s hard to think of doing anything for you, trust me I really do know.  But I also know that if I had followed my instincts last summer the last 12 months wouldn’t have been as hard on ME! It is okay to make it about you, Now when it comes to things that I need to or should do for myself, my two new mantras are: “if not now, when” and “if not you, than who”.

Finally, my advice to all caregivers of children, a spouse or parent is to please trust your instincts when it comes to how you feel and then take care of it.  Your feeling your best will truly make it easier for you to care for your loved ones.

Cold temperatures and long days, it must be winter in the truck!

 We had a very long week traveling from Kent, Washington to Washington, DC. First, in Idaho we found ice in the mountains.  Icy pavement and winding mountain roads really makes you think about what could happen if that 53 foot trailer behind you starts sliding one way or the other, trust me on that one.

What we found when we woke up in WY on Thursday!

In Wyoming as you can see from the picture we woke up to snow.  Fortunately, we ran out of the snow in a few hours without any excitement. Our trip through South Dakota allowed me to mark off my 48^th state.  I am now down to only Vermont and Alaska.  I can assure you that seeing Alaska will not be in the truck. I don’t see Vince hauling all the way up there just to let me knock that one off, but Vermont is very likely to be visited while I am in the truck.

SD on Friday! Don't be fooled! It was bitter cold!

 We definitely found winter in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. When we stopped for dinner Friday night the temperature was 7 degrees and the wind chill was -11.  As we were walking from the truck stop and the wind was hitting us in the face I realized how much I love my husband. But more importantly I was wondering why it is that I always manage to make it out in the truck in the winter but not as often in the spring and summer when it is warm.

After five 12-14 hour days of traveling that meant over 2500 miles covered I was unable to answer the bell at 4:00 am Monday morning.  Sunday night we had made it to Breezewood, PA and stopped at the TA.  Vince had told me it wasn’t necessary for me to get up, but I told him I was sure I would.  Despite going to bed by 9:00 pm I just could not wake up when the alarm went off.  My loving husband didn’t even say a word to me; he just got dressed and headed down the road.  Not sure which thing he picked up on first that told him I wasn’t getting up, maybe it was that fact that I didn’t move a muscle when the alarm went off or was it when I didn’t say anything.  Either way he is so wonderful and understanding. 

However, I never made it back to sleep as I bounced around in the bed as we traveled the two hours down to DC. But once Vince backed into the parking lot at the Kennedy Center and shut off the truck I fell sound asleep.  I think the fact that it was finally quiet was what allowed me to go to sleep.  Due to the cold temperatures Vince was unable to shut the truck off for several days, the silence after the truck shut off was truly golden.

After a quick stop in Harrisburg to catch up with the gang at the home office Monday afternoon it was off to Minnesota.  One of the things I love most about trucking with Vince is the interesting and nice people we meet along the way. Today we were in search of a mail box to send off a birthday card.  We stopped at a Pilot in Beloit, WI and trust me the manager there made it clear they didn’t have a mail box. Then Vince learned when he was in the store that this manager thinks her employees are incompetent and was complaining that they don’t do things right.  It amazes me how much complaining you hear in truck stops either from other drivers or the employees.  It really is quite entertaining at times and quite horrifying for me having come from a legal and business background where that kind of complaining would have got someone fired. That manager was the interesting person for the day and the nice person of the day was the very sweet cashier at the St. Charles, MN Amish truck stop.  She offered to take our card to the post office on her way home.  The nice ones always reinforce my faith in humanity.

By now you should know I won't pass up a good Sunset!
This is in MN last night, as expected from this sunset it is a beautiful
day today in MN!

Today we pick up a trailer in Rosemont, MN then it is off to New Orleans.  Once again we were near family but no time to stop. As we traveled through Indianapolis on Saturday night it made me sad that we couldn’t stop long enough to have breakfast with our niece and her family.  Today we couldn’t stop to check in with our newlywed niece in Minneapolis.  These are the times that make me sad while on the road, then I remind myself this is Vince’s job not a vacation and I am very lucky I get to share the time with him. 

Our route today will find us traveling two lane roads and two lane divided highways. I am so glad we have a potty in the truck since truck stops will be sparse.  No more homicidal thought moments at least related to potty breaks. We are both looking forward to warmer temperatures but trust me there will be no time for partying at Mardi Gras. This weekend we are headed to Fort Myers!  No rest for the weary or is that the wicked! J      

Ron White is right! You can’t fix stupid!



Shasta Lake

Yes, I am back on the road.  After flying out to spend a few days in Phoenix with Nancy and Corey, Vince arrived last Tuesday to pick me up.  On Friday we headed to Hollywood to take the final trailers out of the Kodak, so the Oscar organizers could finish there work.

On Saturday as we were at the Cirque storage area I was reminded of Ron White’s routine regarding how you can’t fix stupid.  As we pulled into the area Vince determined that moving vans located near the unit were blocking his ability to turn around. So he would have to back out onto the street turn around and back into the parking lot.  I got out to tell him over the radio when it was safe to back out.  It was a four lane road and while on some occasions I would move out into the road to slow traffic in this case I had no intention of stepping out into LA traffic.  Vince was able to get out and turned around without much trouble and then lined himself up with the driveway.  As he was coming back a guy on a bicycle stopped to wait for him to back in.  After getting lined up, he made a quick pull up to make sure he was completely lined up then started back.  Just as I heard the truck accelerating (there is a sound that the vacuum makes since we replaced our turbo that now lets me know he is moving) the guy on the bike got the bright idea that he was going to go behind the truck.  I yelled at the guy he better hurry up with a few expletives included with it but since I always want my great nieces and friends children to be able to read the blog I have omitted them.  He stopped after I yelled at him and as Vince came back he looked at me like wow I wouldn’t have made it and I looked back at him like you’re an idiot.   Ron White is so very right, you definitely can’t fix stupid. I can’t tell you how many times on the road I have seen people walk in front of or behind the truck then have to start running because suddenly they realize oh no its moving and it might hit me.



Shasta Lake


 

Today, we are at the Jubitz truck stop in Portland (it is one of my favorite truck stops) after a lovely drive through northern California and Oregon.  I have included some photos of Shasta Lake and the moon rising as we traveled through Oregon last evening.  Tomorrow morning we pick up the Washington National Orchestra in Kent, Washington then are headed to Washington DC by next Monday morning.  I am sure that those 2700+ miles should provide a story or two, don’t you?

Moon rising over northwest Oregon

On a side note to this adventure I wanted to share a very special story of friendship.  While in Phoenix we worked with Nancy on a plan to move Vince and her elderly aunt and uncle that live in Pennsylvania to Ohio. Unfortunately their aunt and uncle have no children and their health is failing. Also a move to Ohio would be a much better financial arrangement for them since they have a niece and nephew willing to look after them. After an estimate of several thousand dollars for an ambulance move took that option off the table I recalled that my friend Cynthia and her sisters had moved their Mom across the country in an RV.  Now with that option a real possibility Nancy realized she still needed help with driving since their aunt is very sick and she didn’t know how much attention she would need on the trip.  Vince contacted our friend Jim Walker (who has been a guest blogger on this very blog) who without any hesitation agreed to help. This past Saturday Jim drove Nancy, Aunt Alice and Uncle Bob to Ohio where they are now getting the love and attention they deserve. 

While trying to find words of thanks to share with Jim I was reminded this week of an Orson Welles’ quote: “We are born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we are not alone.”  Thank you Jim for keeping our illusion alive, we are very fortunate to have such wonderful friends like you along with loving family that remind us everyday that we are not alone.

The Event! (Unfortunately It Took “An Event” Before We Could Get Our Elderly Parent The Help She Thought She Didn't Need)

As many of you know and as I have wrote about in the past I have an 89 year old mother.  Over the last two years my brother, John and I have spent countless hours trying to convince our mother to move to an assisted living facility.  Why an assisted living facility and not one of our homes you may ask, because she would still be able to have her independence.  Living with a child would mean her giving up her independence something she was in no way was willing to give up.  However, due to her declining health it was becoming more and more obvious that her staying in her home was soon not going to be an option.

Over the last two years I conducted countless searches on my computer looking for advice on how to convince a stubborn parent that moving to a place that would provide her assistance was a good move. While many of the searches provided me with good suggestions on how to approach an elder about moving, most ended with a statement that if none of those suggestions worked it would take “an event” to actually change a situation.  I can’t tell you how many times I got to the end of those articles and thought you have to be kidding.  Seriously, we have to wait for something bad to happen before we can get her some place safe?

But that is exactly what ended up happening.  Despite taking her on visits to four assisted living facilities, talking with her doctor about memory issues (amazing how someone who couldn’t remember anything on a daily basis could answer all the doctor’s questions accurately enough to avoid intervention when backed against a wall) and countless conversations in various ways to make it appear it was her idea, she continued to fight moving.

However, in June 2011 while on a visit to our fourth assisted living place in two years (she would go to visit to shut me up but shoot them down as soon as we left) my mother stated she liked the place and when pushed said she could see herself living there.  Well trust me that was all I needed. I immediately filled out all the forms and got her on that facilities waiting list.  She had no idea I would act that fast on her statement. It was a move that five months later turned out to be the smartest thing I had done throughout the two year period, because on November 7, 2011 the event happened.

The three months leading up to the event had been the hardest months of John and my life.  Mom fell in August just a couple hours after we had left her and after a quick trip to the ER was sent home with a report of no injuries.  September brought about another fall, although I still have my doubts about that one and believe that was a call for attention, but thankfully no ER due to no injuries. But by that time I decided it was time to make a push for in home care.  I am associated with an in-home care group through my temping so I asked my colleague to speak with mom.  Well that too fell on deaf ears.  Mom’s response was “you have given me something to think about” (translation I don’t want to be rude but there is no way this is going to happen) and “my family takes care of me’.  The problem with that second statement was her “family” that she was relying on has no medical training and her health status was declining to a point where it was more than we were capable of handling.  I can’t put into words how scary and frustrating it was for John and me. Knowing she needed more than we could give her and her as I put it “not getting out of her own way”.  It is a tough thing to watch your mother, who cared for you, not allow herself the opportunity to get the help she needed, but we were the “kids” and we didn’t know what we were talking about.

In September I made the decision to not put my life on hold anymore and to head back out with Vince.  But despite knowing I had done everything to get her some help, I still left with an incredible amount of guilt. Guilt that I was leaving my mother but more that I was leaving John to deal with her alone.  Well she showed me, because after I left she took her acting out to a whole new level.  She just flat out didn’t get up until John would show up daily to get her up and refused to answer the phone when I called.   I think John would agree it was without a doubt the longest and most frustrating five weeks of our lives.

However, the week after I returned light appeared at the end of our long dark tunnel.  The facility called to tell me there was an opening. I immediately made an appointment for the three of us to go look at it.  Now you must understand that in my Mom’s mind she believed she would be dead before the apartment would become available.  Many times over the past three months all we had heard from her was why won’t you just let me just die.  As a side note we worked with the doctor on her depression issues it was not something we ignored and her physical health while declining was still good. Her heart and lungs are very good for her age. So when I told her about her appointment to go see the place that threw her into full blown defiance and on the day of the appointment she told us she wasn’t feeling good so she wasn’t going and for us not to make any commitment.  Well on that day we did the second smartest thing of the year by putting a deposit down on the apartment and made a follow up appointment for the next Monday to pick out colors.  On that Friday John and I made a pact that we would do everything we could to make sure she moved into that apartment.

But little did we know that the pact was not needed, because the “event” would preempt everything. When John and I arrived at our childhood home on that Monday we found our Mom on the floor dehydrated and hallucinating but shockingly as I accessed her, she had no other injuries.  From reviewing her pills we believed she had been down about 24 hours but the most frustrating part was she was lying on the floor with her medic alert button sitting directly on her chest.  She once again had refused to push the button. In her previous falls she hadn’t pushed it but rather made it to the phone to call someone for help.  We believe she had just hoped she would get her wish and die, but as the saying goes, “if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans”, because it was definitely not his plan to take her that day.

She was transported to the hospital.  While waiting in the ER for the test results I tried to remember that the hallucinations were due to the dehydration but it was scary none the less.  I found myself preparing for the worse.  But the worse was not to be, her test results showed no physical injuries and she was admitted to the hospital under observation.  The next day I met with the social worker to talk about rehab and after rehab living arrangements.  Her decision to not push the button gave me the opening I needed to impose the durable Power of Attorney (POA) Mom had signed many years ago, since she demonstrated she no longer could make appropriate decisions regarding her health.  I had taken over the finances under the POA long ago but her ability to answer the doctor’s questions appropriately had always blocked me in the past. It was agreed that if possible she would rehab at the same facility where her apartment was waiting.  A side note for all those looking at facilities for a family member, we only looked at facilities that had skilled nursing attached so that it would result in only one move.  In our case her entering through the skilled nursing ended up being the best case scenario, as any other way would have resulted in defiance.

Within a couple days we were informed she would be rehabbing at our chosen facility.  I can’t tell you what a relief it was to know that she would be able to move directly to her apartment after rehab.  While John started sleeping through the night for the first time in two years the night she was admitted into the hospital, I didn’t until I knew she was going to the same facility as her apartment.

By Thursday she was well enough to be transported to the facility for rehab and while the first weeks of the rehab didn’t exactly go smoothly.  There were still many conversations about why didn’t we let her die, but there also conversations where she acknowledged she didn’t realize she had gotten so bad.  The caregivers at the facility: nurses, physical therapists and aides could not have been kinder and more caring. On the day I saw my 89 year old mother peddling away on an exercise bike that works both legs and arms I knew that we had done the right on never giving up on getting her to move.

December 8^th was a monumental day in all our lives because it was the day Mom moved into her AL apartment.  On that day I was filled with excitement but soon learned Mom was filled with fear and apprehension.  After signing the discharge papers for her and informing her it was time to go down the hall and over to the apartment, my mother decided to have a stand in, in the bathroom.  When I went to check on her after her going the bathroom, she informed me she didn’t think she could do the move or even go on anymore.  I said “ok” thus validating her feelings, then went on to tell her I was going to get her settled into the apartment before coming back for the rest of the stuff.  Initially she was quiet in the apartment but then the aides and nurses that had cared for her started stopping by to see the apartment.  As I was arranging her things I could hear them telling her how great all her stuff looked in the apartment and could tell their words were reassuring her that everything was going to be okay.

While the last month has not going smoothly, trust me she has had her bad days, but there have definitely been more good days then bad.  We know she is in a better place both mentally and physically.  She is no longer on antidepressants, can physically do more than she could in the last few years and still has a great deal of independence.

Finally, the reason I shared all of this very personal information is because I know there are hundreds of thousands of people out there caring for elderly family members and friends.  While our story had a happy ending we know we were lucky, our event could have ended much worse had Mom fallen and hit her head or broken her hip.  Please know that you are not alone and that I pray every night that you can get your family and friends to move whether it be in with someone or into a facility or at least allow someone in to check on them on a regularly basis, before “an event”.  I know well the frustration of trying to help and getting nowhere. But I also know you need to keep going and be prepared so I share this advice for what it is worth because I know how much it helped us. Before an event or at the time of event you will want to:

• Make Sure You Have Papers in Order -We had her will, living will and Durable POA in place years ago
• Read Everything You Can on How to Talk with Them – I tried everyone of the techniques many times, something obviously sunk in because she did go and look at places which ultimately got her where she wanted to be and not in one we picked out
• Keep Talking to Them About Getting Help – Talk, drop it for a month or so then bring it up again
• Not Give Up- Trust me we know how hard it is but you can’t give up, they really don’t understand how bad they are and need you to keep pushing.

COMMENT By Mary 1/5/12

I received this response from my niece, Mary that unfortunately was too long to fit in the comments section of the blog. I believe it is a very powerful story and one that many will relate to and be moved by.  My thanks to Mary for sharing it!

Thank you and Uncle John for caring for Grandma Dody all these years. Will and I have been going through many of the same issues with his mother. Grace's event happened this fall when she ended up needing emergency surgery to remove several large clots in her leg. She was unable to speak for almost a week after the surgery. Will and his brother Mark ended up taking on the responsibility of her welfare. The situation was extremely complicated. Grace was still legally married and living on the same property as Will's dad. They lived in separate residences and had for twenty years or so. She lived with one of Will's brothers who lets just say is not emotionally stable enough to take care of himself. The house where they lived was a nightmare of garbage and disrepair. A well person would have problems navigating through the rooms. The kitchen was so packed full of stuff that you could not walk into it. When Will and I started dating a decade a go it was messy. A few years ago I stopped going there if I could help it because she had started letting cats in and my allergies couldn't take it. When we went there after the surgery I could not even stay inside. It smelled like someone had already died. Just imagine the hoarder TV series and add another ton of garbage. There were places where leaks had caused piles of mildewed clothing. How she had made it this long living there was a mystery.

Grace is 73 much younger than Grandma, but she is very overweight and has had strokes. After she was well enough to leave the Hospital They arranged to have her sent to Bortz a nursing home. She could not walk and had to work with physical therapist on a daily basis. We knew we had a short window of time to figure out what to do. Will took many days off work going to different government agencies asking for help. Everywhere he went they pretty much kept telling him "Oh that's horrible good luck." finally weeks had passed he was in contact with a lawyer, an assisted living apartment complex, and Medicaid. One day in the middle of work all of these places called to give him bad news and the nursing home called to say they would be releasing Grace at the end of the week. Grace at this point could not make it to the bathroom with out assistance. Will broke down he left work and came home. It is hard to see your partner in full out despair.

I racked my brains trying to help find a solution. I finally thought of the Woman's Resource Center. Ten minutes after we entered there office we had a list of numbers and contacts. It was the most help we had had in weeks. We found a lawyer who would give Grace a free divorce so she could get the government help she desperately needed. Will's dad thought she should just come back home, and was unwilling to help in anyway. He said "If it was me I would just shoot myself." We photographed the home and went to adult protective services. That solved the problem of her being released too early. She was accepted at the apartment complex after we went there and explained her situation and again showed the photos. The manager is bending over backwards to get her in. Unfortunately we still have to wait until the divorce is final. She has been released from Bortz and is living with Mark the other sane brother. When we first took her to see the apartment we got the same "I'm never living there" upon leaving. I was trembling I was so mad. After all the grief and pain her son went through to find her this home. He eventually convinced her, and let her know most of all he wanted her to be safe. I’m sure we will get more dissatisfied comments from Grace. I just have to remember she is just scared and insecure. She has been living one way for so long she doesn't want to live any other way. Eventually I might have to give up my farm and gardens and move into an apartment, and that will be sad for me too.

We hope that she will be able to restart her life and maybe even begin to be social again. Most of all she will be safe. You don't expect to become a parent's caretaker in your thirties. It seems like we just started to build our nest and become real grown ups. I have gained a lot of respect for Will through all this. He could have ignored the problem like most of his other brothers were. Instead he fought and fought for one who he loves. So thank you for posting this it helps to read your story. I also have never had the chance to know Grandma Dody and it is nice to read about her too.